I shouldn’t be dating another man. But when they are married, all bets are off. What? Don’t look at me like that. Unavailable partners make no promises. They offer no future. Do not invest in them any more than they are willing to give you, and never sit around waiting for them.
And so to Daniel who got his first brief mention back in post 217: Distraction. This is one I thought I would never meet. I fell into a conversation with him that lasted nine weeks. Then he asked if I would be interested in meeting up, and I said yes.
You could tell he wasn’t the sort of person to waste his time chatting to someone if he wasn’t going to follow through, but I had no expectation and felt no sense of urgency, largely because there is Leigh, so I am already vaguely occupied. Equally, Daniel was taking his time and felt in no rush, mostly because he likes to be sure. This is one reason why I like the queuing system. You never know how long someone is going to stick around, or when potential matches might appear or disappear on you. I’m not going to sit around waiting for Mr Magic to appear in my life.
But the more chilled I got about replying to messages, the keener Daniel got. Nine weeks to meet is unheard of in my book. And it wasn’t until the day before I came face to face with him that he sent me a photo. Everything up until that point had been based on words. Again, this is not something I normally entertain, but I also think this is the major failing of dating apps – that the first thing you see is someone’s photo. Here, I have been seduced by intelligent conversation and a man who is very good at expressing himself openly, a personality trait I am often in awe of, since I don’t possess those skills. Follow your gut instinct, is my motto. Luckily for me, as it turned out, he also happened to be another silver fox.
Our early conversations were sporadic, as we were kind of skirting around each other, sizing each other up. We also both have lives to lead. Well he does. I feign busy-ness to cover up for my laziness in returning emails and to make me sound more important than I really am. We have lengthy and quite deep and interesting conversations which have followed a similar pattern to mine and Leigh’s, i.e. conversation has flowed easily and in interesting directions. We seem to agree on a lot of things and have a similar approach to life. The difference between him and Leigh is that Daniel is very happy to discuss things of a sexual nature, but in a grown up way.
Most of my conversations with Daniel have been on the ins and outs and psychology of relationships, picking apart why we do what we do, and why we behave as we do. He is more settled in his patterns, and he questioned me at length about my motivations for picking married men as lovers. Certainly he has made me scrutinise myself more, in everything, and I like that.
Daniel is a very different animal to Leigh. Leigh is the inexperienced sex starved, lonely husband. I feel like the mentor. Daniel is, in his own words, a philanderer, a sexual deviant, and a sex addict, and he knows exactly what he wants and what he likes. I feel like the novice, but I need someone like him. I can learn a lot from him, both sexually and mentally. He feels very much like a stepping stone to a more rounded me. Leigh is the sacrificial lamb in my reawakening. Daniel is the prize.
Leigh isn’t giving me nearly enough, and always on his own terms. I see no point in committing myself to him. He knows he isn’t enough for me. He knows it is only a matter of time. I didn’t go looking for Daniel. He found me.
And so we met in town for coffee on a Thursday lunchtime to size each other up. Truth be told, I felt slightly intimidated by him, but in a good way and there are reasons for that which I haven’t gone in to here. He has an aura about him. I feel like I may have found a mentor in the bedroom, which would be a nice thing to have right now. And having met him, this suddenly feels like something worth pursuing.