A successful relationship doesn’t have to be one that lasts forever. It could be 1, 5, 10 or 30 years. It’s what the relationship consisted of that matters. Everything is a stepping stone rather than a destination.
For me, the idea that one person would stick around for the rest of my life, is an alien concept and if I thought like that I would be setting myself up for constant frustration and failure. Maybe that’s why I choose people with no longevity. Or maybe I pick people who I know aren’t available in that sense because it suits my narrative. The only way I can build a predictable future for myself is one that only includes me. Putting all my faith in one person is an impossible ask.
I mean, nothing ever stays the same, does it? Homes, jobs, friends, lovers. Nothing sticks. But I can build around that. Some of my experiences have been positive and reaffirming and have helped me move forward and if you get enough of those in life, you’ve done fairly well.
Never plan for too long. Planning for change and always planning for self-reliance are a good safety net. You can do that when you are single and retain your independence in all things. You remain static whilst all around you everything changes.
Leigh is a perfect stepping stone. He is one of the most decent people I have ever dated. And he reminds me that there are good people out there who aren’t forever people. Good people can make imperfect decisions. Staying or going, for him both are catastrophic. Leaving however would be the worst choice for everyone else. Staying and not doing anything however is probably the most damaging to him as far as I can see, and in the long run may well be for everyone. He has found his stepping stone. His survival tactic. The thing that enables him to keep it together for everyone else’s benefit. He thinks this is the only workable answer, and it is not my place to make him see things any differently. I don’t live his life. I don’t know his past.
It’s really him that is making the sacrifice after all, because if any of his affair partners feels to him like they could be the one, he knows he is going to lose them eventually. He will be left behind in all things whilst everyone else carries on as if nothing were amiss. They get to take new chances. He doesn’t. That’s a sad thought for me, because he deserves to have someone who can love him as much as he has the capacity to love someone else. He has a lot to offer the right woman and I don’t think he is ever going to have that opportunity.
I think that is a tough reality to acknowledge. To know you will always be the one who isn’t truly happy, who is always missing that piece that completes you. And so you grab what you can with other people whilst you can. It’s going to lead to a life of regret for him – possibly/probably – but only time will tell, and it’s unlikely I will be there to witness whatever the outcome is.