195: Mind The Gap

Dating for keeps is like making a business decision. If you are hoping to invest your hopes, your dreams and your future in someone, they have to be right if the investment is going to flourish and grow.

Knowing how I used to date, and knowing it never went quite right, I am aware of the sorts of things I need to avoid.

I always dated beneath me. And by that I don’t mean financially (although sometimes I probably did), I mean in mentality and outlook. I am keen to avoid that in the future.

I would have to be with someone who followed the same moral code as me, whom I could trust, who understood privacy and downtime as much as togetherness. I don’t want to date someone who is reckless with their money. Whilst my parents are very comfortably off, I am not so much though that is largely by choice because of career and because of my attitude towards the environment, waste and what I put back into the world. I also don’t want to date someone who I can’t keep up with financially, where going double-Dutch is going to put me in financial straits or where I feel out of place with their social group. Equally, I need to be able to present them to my parents feeling like they fit in with their ‘standard’.

It’s good to have some differences. They say that opposites attract, and I do like some very clear differences. I enjoy discovering new music, film and TV from other people. I like that my routine will change because of someone else, and that I will be introduced to new things, new experiences, new places and new ideas and I hope that I am able to offer that in return.

I don’t feel that I have to be in the same career sphere as them. We can all learn from other people’s ways of doing things. Whilst I am very creative, I do have a business mindset. I am very organised and money minded.

I don’t want to date someone who is looking to fill a gap in their life. Their choice must be complimentary to their life, like it should be to mine. And whilst I never had children and never wanted to produce my own, I am not against someone else’s within reason. I am only too aware that growing up single, child free and independent is great whilst you have your family around you, but what happens when all your friends have their kids and social circles and your own parents have gone? It can be lonely growing old single. I don’t want that. Tagging on to someone else’s family, whatever that may look like, provides future security for all and a chance to be something more than an individual. Indeed, it could be the making of me. My rules are quite fluid and without a doubt my attitude towards family units has changed markedly in the last year.

I have already spotted someone who I already think fits the bill, but it may be that it is their type and not them that I need. It has certainly made me think more clearly about what I want. Whilst our paths kind of cross, I see no familiarity from him and if he doesn’t see me, therefore he doesn’t notice me in the same way as I notice him, so I leave well alone. If I am noticed, then I am noticed. But it is making me think, and he provides a useful barometer of normalcy that I can use to find my own normal, whoever that might be.

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