One of the questions I find myself asking a lot these days, is why I always ended up with the types of partners I did. Growing up I was always a sucker for the underdog. My mother used to say I attracted lame ducks. I resented the remark but she was right. I would always end up with misfits, social drop-outs and non conformists.
There are two sides to this though.
Firstly, why was I attracted to them? And secondly, why were they attracted to me?
Putting aside the first question, I am currently more interested and concerned about the second. Were those people attracted to me purely because I showed interest in them? Or is there something about me that suggests I am one of them. In my very early days I did attract ‘normal’ people, but it quickly spiralled and I got caught up in a cycle of bad judgement and toxic people.
Changing my behaviour, seeing it for what it is and seeing better value in myself means I must actively avoid those people. I am more aware of them now. My current barometer is that if I am not comfortable introducing someone to my parents, it’s a no from me.
‘When you learn to love yourself, your taste in men will change.’
This of course applies to anyone in a destructive cycle of partners. If you don’t value yourself, why would you seek out anyone who values you at least the same? It can be very subtle, you may not even be aware of the choices you are making.
I wouldn’t say I have a tick list of what a potential date needs to be, many of their better qualities aren’t going to come across on a dating app, but there are certain things you can look out for. If you see in them what you see, with hindsight, in your past relationships, you are
probably are better off without. And that at least is a start for me.