If you bang your head against a wall, you are going to get a headache. If you keep banging your head against that wall, that headache will get worse.
I have a habit of going for personality (yes I am a personality whore). Looks don’t actually go very far in a relationship when it comes down to it. The best looking guys will always have the pick of the bunch, and I don’t out-shine the competition.
However, dating for personality does have a habit of getting me into trouble because I’ve always had a thing for quirky types who stood out from the crowd and often turned out to be less than predictable. It’s landed me with alcoholics, money hoarders, spongers, cheats and liars. Boy has it taken me a long time to change how my brain thinks about men. At least now I know when it’s happening and I can stop myself.
I have only ever once dated my visual type. Had I stuck with him and it had worked out, I’d be living in America right now, married to the Vice President of Design at one of the world’s biggest motor companies. And he is ageing incredibly well. You live and learn.
Now that I am dating again with longevity in mind I am trying to change the way I think. My old style of relationships – these quirky guys – has to change. You can still have personality, but there’s nothing wrong with someone who has sorted his shit out, has a car, a house, a decent pension and takes grown up responsibility for his actions. Given that I am dating in the 40+ range, kids are no longer a dealbreaker, and I won’t go into the reasons for that here.
There are a ton of decent men out there, but this presents a problem. Dating apps only give you photos and at best a few lines which may not be a true reflection of that person. None of the quirky types I have dated were good looking in the traditional sense (and even the guys I find cute now are only so because I have got to know them as human beings) so I wonder if dating my physically preferential type will get me a better type. Personally, I think social media is a better dating pool. If someone slides into your timeline because you have similar interests or opinions and you laugh at each others amusing GIFs, this is a good sign, and certainly a better one than hitting a heart on Tinder with absolutely no barometer to work with.
So whilst I previously dated with the heart, I now need to let my head lead a bit more. Jackie Kennedy/Onassis once said:
and I think she has a point.