The other week I rescued a young magpie. It had been attacked by a cat. I used to rescue all sorts of creatures when I was a kid and I’ve had lots of pets in my time. And in the same way that I’ve shaken off partners so I shook off the responsibility of pet ownership too.
Having to take responsibility for anything now beyond my plants just seems like too much. But I suppose that’s because I wasted almost all my adult life being responsible for other people and other lives. That magpie, sadly, only lived for a couple of days due to its injuries, but after it had survived its first night I started to panic that here was now something that was depending on me. Not that I was planning to keep it, but it was an unexpected response. I’d never thought like this about animals before. I haven’t had a pet since 2016 when I was still in a relationship. It was a significant moment.
The simple fact is that finally shaking off all responsibility for anything other than me has been the most freeing and liberating experience of my life. And here I am 37 months on (a year of it properly living in my own place) and I do not miss having someone else around.
Actually, I feel relieved that I’ve dodged that bullet because people frankly do nothing for me. Sure I still have the odd hanger on. Andre is still about but I only have to entertain him a couple of nights a month which is quite enough.
Does it bother me that alone might be the rest of my life? Nope. Not a bit. The thought of not being alone forever is what worries me. What if something happens and I get into a social situation where I meet someone and then I get stuck with him? I’ve never been very good at saying no. It’s easy at the moment because I don’t get into those situations and absolutely noone has any interest in me where I live.
What I’ve realised as I’ve been single for longer and longer, is that I don’t know how someone else could enrich my life. I like doing things my own way, in my own time, without someone else in the background who I feel obliged to entertain or interact with.
I don’t deny I have always been an introvert forced to pretend in the 2.4 lifestyle. Just because my family is all family, why should I be? I’ve always been the black sheep, the odd one, the one that didn’t want to toe the line. At least as an adult you can do that. As a child and as a teen at home, it’s much harder and my younger years weren’t great.
People suck. Nature is cool. That’s the only way I can sum up what I think about the world. On that basis, this might be my last posting to this blog. I have nothing else to say about relationships any more. Dating is old news. We’ll see. You never know what’s to come.