173: Not Missing It

The other week I rescued a young magpie. It had been attacked by a cat. I used to rescue all sorts of creatures when I was a kid and I’ve had lots of pets in my time. And in the same way that I’ve shaken off partners so I shook off the responsibility of pet ownership too.

Having to take responsibility for anything now beyond my plants just seems like too much. But I suppose that’s because I wasted almost all my adult life being responsible for other people and other lives. That magpie, sadly, only lived for a couple of days due to its injuries, but after it had survived its first night I started to panic that here was now something that was depending on me. Not that I was planning to keep it, but it was an unexpected response. I’d never thought like this about animals before. I haven’t had a pet since 2016 when I was still in a relationship. It was a significant moment.

The simple fact is that finally shaking off all responsibility for anything other than me has been the most freeing and liberating experience of my life. And here I am 37 months on (a year of it properly living in my own place) and I do not miss having someone else around.

Actually, I feel relieved that I’ve dodged that bullet because people frankly do nothing for me. Sure I still have the odd hanger on. Andre is still about but I only have to entertain him a couple of nights a month which is quite enough.

Does it bother me that alone might be the rest of my life? Nope. Not a bit. The thought of not being alone forever is what worries me. What if something happens and I get into a social situation where I meet someone and then I get stuck with him? I’ve never been very good at saying no. It’s easy at the moment because I don’t get into those situations and absolutely noone has any interest in me where I live.

What I’ve realised as I’ve been single for longer and longer, is that I don’t know how someone else could enrich my life. I like doing things my own way, in my own time, without someone else in the background who I feel obliged to entertain or interact with.

I don’t deny I have always been an introvert forced to pretend in the 2.4 lifestyle. Just because my family is all family, why should I be? I’ve always been the black sheep, the odd one, the one that didn’t want to toe the line. At least as an adult you can do that. As a child and as a teen at home, it’s much harder and my younger years weren’t great.

People suck. Nature is cool. That’s the only way I can sum up what I think about the world. On that basis, this might be my last posting to this blog. I have nothing else to say about relationships any more. Dating is old news. We’ll see. You never know what’s to come.

4 thoughts on “173: Not Missing It

  1. I feel ya.
    After over 12 years in a relationship I’m bored and I want out but I don’t know how. I wish I was single. I dont want to hurt my partner but he adds no value to my life .

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I know that feeling very well! I got to the point where I just walked. You reach a point where someone is going to be hurt and is it going to him now, or in another 20 years when you finally decide enough is enough. It’s just how you do it. Eventually you have to take the plunge otherwise you might just as well stay where you are and just make the best of it. Life is too short to waste on the life you don’t want. Yes it’s tough and yes it’s messy, but it’s never not going to be. You’re just going to have to have that conversation. There’s always a chance he feels the same and it’ll be easier than you think but you won’t know until you start the ball rolling.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I applaud your decision to live life the way you want it, I avert all types of groupthink, always have- didn’t we learn with the lesson of “one size fits all”? I have read your blog for 2 years?, and you have never sounded happier than you have been since your decision. I admire my daughter, who always said she didn’t want children and at 30 hasn’t looked back, always knew what she wanted out of life. I will miss your posts, but I wish you the best, you are living the life you want as well!
    RaquelIleana

    Liked by 1 person

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