It’s three years ago this week since I became single. I’ve always had to instigate breakups because my spineless partners hadn’t the balls to do it themselves. I hated being a meal ticket. This one was no different and the rush of relief I felt was paramount.
I’ve not looked back. I hoped it would last a long time and three years later I am still here, single and more fiercely so than ever before. Noone, absolutely noone, turns my head anymore. I have no desire to be saddled with another human being ever again and I wonder why I settled for second best for so many years. It’s not like I needed them to get me through life. But I didn’t know that then. I was still following a flawed narrative.
I’m in my mid 40s now, so the chances of me meeting anyone genuine and self sufficient is getting fairly slim. And I’m glad of that. I dumped all the dating apps quite some time ago now and after my stint as a non-monogamous dater (I suppose you could call it a social experiment I wanted to try), I am happy taking a more celibate route. There is no need for a complicated life and I see nothing attractive about the opposite sex right now.
I recently read an article by Lowri Turner in the National Post, link here, which I think kind of sums up how I feel about it. I’m not 51 yet, but I’m hoping I’ll still be single when I get to that age. This three years is the longest I’ve ever been single since I had my first boyfriend at 18. They’ve all been car crashes. From the unfaithful, to alcoholics, to the workshy, I’ve experienced most of them and not had the skills to get out quickly enough. But regret is pointless and I have resolved that the way to not get into these situations is not to date in the first place. Boy did I miss some red flags through online dating. It taught me a lot of valuable lessons. It’s a world of fuck up out there, and they are all on dating sites.
It’s not for everyone, of course, but if you are the right person to enjoy single, seeing the light and accepting the challenge can be a liberating change of pace. And amen to that.