I’ve never really wondered why all my relationships turned to mush, and why I’ve ended up single in my 40s. At least, I thought I already knew the answer – that I am really bad at choosing decent partners and ‘happy ever after’ is a myth. In all honestly, this is what I secretly aspired to – successful, uncomplicated, unrepentant singledom. At last! Frankly, I don’t know what I would do with a decent honest guy even if I met him.
As time has gone on, and as I’ve dabbled in CNM set ups, I’ve realised that I have just stopped caring. It doesn’t matter. A relationship doesn’t add anything to my life. I don’t need it. In fact, I never did. I thought I wanted what it offered, but it turns out those were actually damaging to what made me happy. I thought this was just me. But it turns out that Whoopi Goldberg has already summed it up far better than I ever could.
It would appear, I am one of that 61% of women that likes being single and is independent enough and both physically and emotionally as well as financially secure enough, to not need someone else to depend on. I don’t know what percentage of these aspirational women actually get their dream status. But I am one of them.
The statistics mentioned, have been echoed in Professor Paul Dolan’s research into happiness. The stats show that only married men are as happy as single women. But the article and subsequent clip in which Whoopi’s comments appear suggest that men need a mother replacement and don’t do so well on their own. I can already hear the indignation of the men (if there are any) reading this and the article concerned. Maybe it’s true, maybe it isn’t. Who is going to admit to being a mummy’s boy anyway? I suspect men who have been used to the marital home find it harder to adjust to singledom than do women in similar positions. This does not surprise me.
I don’t know what normal is. I think it’s a ridiculous word used to compartmentalise us given how diverse mankind now is. Whoopi says she’s ok with ‘not being normal’, but when it comes to this sort of thing what is normal? It seems to me like she’s got her head more screwed on than most people I know. Maybe single is normal? Maybe conforming to societal expectations is the problem, not the norm. Maybe we should just shut up, stop analysing and let people get on with their lives.
That said, I have never had a problem being single. Noone seems to treat me like a leper. I get invited to stuff. I have a social life (kind of). When I meet other single childfree women I get a hi-five because ‘fuck yeah!’ So rather than not feel normal, I feel I am in on a very exclusive joke which keeps on running.