97: Thoughts On Parents, Distance Dating And Availability

It struck me last weekend that me and MG are never going to work. Let’s just say it had already crossed my mind. It finally happened when, after three days of silence, he fixed a weekend to come and see me (that would have been this weekend), then immediately retracted because he’d remembered his son’s football practice on the Friday. We’ve booked the next weekend instead and I’m just waiting for something else to come up. I’m not available for most of June. At which point I can see me calling it a day because getting on for three months is way too long between dates and I just like him too much and it makes me sad.

There are two problems with our current relationship. Distance and his son. Neither would be a problem if it weren’t for the other. Distance would not be a problem because we have weekends, except that MG has his son for all or part of every weekend as standard. His son would not be a problem if it weren’t for the 4 hour drive each way between us. There will be no ‘popping round for the evening/over night in between childcare shift’ possibilities.

Don’t get me wrong. I have dated Dads before. Dads who have their kids at the weekend, or every weekend. In fact ALL my dates have had kids. But the distance has meant evenings and occasional weekend booty calls have not been a problem. Plus in those circumstances I was never going to be introduced to the kids. Fine by me. Ready baked families aren’t strictly my thing but I’ll cross that bridge if I ever come to it because if Mr Right came along I’m pretty sure I could make an exception.

IF me and MG got more serious and he decided to introduce me to his boy, this in fact could only make the problem worse. The boundaries would have changed and I could then see weekends which would have been ours, just becoming a way to roll two situations into one because of the existing clashes. The fact of the matter is that there are reasons I am 44 and I don’t have children and it isn’t because I didn’t fail to find the person I wanted them with. I am simply being aware of potential sticking points.

Our situation should really be more flexible than most. We are both part time self employed and our weekends stretch into four days long. But we’re not spending any of them together because of the above. I first saw MG the weekend of 13th April, after six weeks of texting. It took most of that six weeks for him to find a weekend he could get out of childcare duties. I am beginning to get a gut feeling that he’s being used as a free babysitter. But what do I know.

It’s going to be early June before I see him again if our planned weekend comes off, that’s seven weeks. That, to me, is not a relationship, even in the early stages. We’ll have known each other three months by the time we see each other for the second time.

MG describes himself as an optimist. So am I and I am willing to stick my neck out if someone is worth it. But I can’t see how this is ever going to work at this rate. To be honest, we haven’t had that conversation yet. It’s still too early I guess. We don’t know each other well enough or see each other often enough to warrant it. But there are obvious logistical problems. I’m just going to bank this one in my CNM pile and see if things change, it’s the only way I can get to grips on something that I have no control over. It’s how I made dating a more pleasant experience. Fixating is really bad for me.

Regardless that MG says he wants a monogamous relationship in general, I can’t see this ever being us. I don’t even know if that is us. Maybe he hasn’t considered it. I’ve not stopped looking because we’ve made each other no promises. But it’s a shame, because MG is so much nicer than all the rest of them and we seem to dovetail well. He really is a catch in many respects. He ticks all my boxes.

In any case I hope I’ll be happier when I’ve relegated him to the ranks of Andre and Mike. I have no choice but to think of it like that. Six weeks between visits is more than me and Mike have ever had to deal with and he lives even further away. Nevertheless it’s a disappointment, and is no doubt, in part, why I have felt so completely off this last few weeks, and especially last weekend which rolled by with noone to spend time with. This weekend is a long weekend, a Bank Holiday, and I’m in exactly the same situation. I’ll be taking more hikes I suppose.

I wouldn’t mind so much if any of my current set ups had more regularity to them, perhaps the occasional weekend call. I am starting to become a little tired of having to fit in around everyone else whilst I am sat here like a lemon with an open schedule. It smacks too much of my past. I am not supposed to be doing it like this anymore. I am still reevaluating.

15 thoughts on “97: Thoughts On Parents, Distance Dating And Availability

  1. I’m good during the week when I’m working on projects. The problem are weekends. I always feel like I should be doing *something* with *someone* else the weekend is a fail.

    I don’t mind being alone. I’ve spent a great deal of time alone. It is more the internal anxiety telling me I should be doing something else…even if I don’t know what else “else” should be.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I should be doing something, anything, The less I do, the less I want to do and that’s a cycle I need to break out of. I’m considering going on dates with people I’m not that interested in, just to get me out of the house.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I can totally relate to this. For me it feels a bit like when we were in elementary or Junior High and my best friend wasn’t at school to hang out with at lunch. All it is is anxiety, you’re right.

    As I get on with this journey I actually like a little time alone. I have so much going on in my head I find I need some quiet. Not too much alone time though, a whole weekend would be too much.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I was but some of the groups I was using don’t work for me anymore. I’m looking for more focused interests rather than a bunch of under 30s out to get pissed. I tried it, it’s dull because I don’t drink that much. Over 40 is a hard age group to cater for it seems. You’re essentially too old for the ‘under 30 groups’ but too young for the dog walker and book club people.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I have an excellent internal dialogue on good days. It’s when I’m hungry, angry, lonely, or tired is when there is a problem. Unfortunately, my life over the last six months have been full of those experiences.

    It’s getting better now.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Pacing is important. Don’t want to pull a muscle by overextending.

    Plus I had to pick the right topic. I mean, not everyone gets as excited about the role of conformity and non-conformity in American Literature as I do.

    Liked by 1 person

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