95: Reevaluation Again

Maybe it’s something in the air. Maybe it’s the glorious British summer weather that reminds us we want to be out, being sociable, languishing in pub gardens and family barbeques with a partner to show off to everyone or at least not to have to be the only single at the party. But it seems to me that the desert of online dating is having a marked effect on some of us.

One day not so long ago, I snapped. It was mostly from not hearing from MG for 3 days over yet another weekend where I had nothing planned. But that was only a part of it and I went through my social media accounts deleting most of the ‘online relationships’ that have been rolling along since I jumped onto the dating carousel. I am bored of texters, the ones who I’ll never meet, the ones I was supposed to meet and failed at that crucial hurdle. It has no substance. There is NOTHING tangible about relationships like this and I am a person who generally keeps their word. I hate being let down. Online relationships don’t require effort, or consideration and they don’t give you a sense of worth, just a temporary ego trip which dies at the first hurdle when you realise they’re just another virtual companion. I do not need people on the end of another texting app. I need human beings. I need touch, taste and to hear someone’s voice.

I am also aggravated because my now (and very much still after two years) ex texts me more than any of my needy little hangers on and he just won’t take the f*****g hint. That day was the day I’d finally had enough. On the Saturday I went on a 12 mile hike away from everyone to try and relieve some of the stress and frustration I was feeling. It helped so I may have to ditch general disappointment in favour of exercise. I’m sad it’s come to that.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that my kind of dating, like any other kind of online dating, can fail to live up to expectation and I know that compared to some I’ve done fairly well. To be honest, I’m not quite sure what that expectation is since online dating isn’t known for its success rate. The odds are against you. Our attitude towards online dating has gone the same way as online shopping. It’s shallow, it’s instant acquisition, it’s instant gratification with minimum effort. It’s not the way to go. Not by a long shot. It’s destined for failure, so why do we persevere and continue to punish ourselves?

We’ve also gravitated towards online dating because of our busy lives, and our decrease in social interaction. We move a lot, we don’t put down roots, we don’t make the effort to socialise with our neighbours and our work colleagues like we used to. We don’t have those friend groups that naturally lead to meeting new people and potential partners. It’s why websites like MeetUp came into being. And it could be a better way to go.  I have definitely made some strong friendships through websites like this, where I otherwise would not have met these people at all.

The problem is less about sex. It’s about a craving for communication, for connection, for intimacy on an emotional as well as a physical level. This is what is missing more than anything and that is why the online charade doesn’t work. There is nothing intimate or connecting about a text, or a dick pic, or anything else that some people seem to think passes for a ‘relationship’ these days.

I’m not quite sure what to do next, except go on a lot more hikes. I’m not expecting a miracle. Just people. But I may decide to hit the reset button at some point if things don’t change soon. So I’m going to don my walking boots just a bit more often. After all, you never know who you might meet on those long country walks.

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11 thoughts on “95: Reevaluation Again

  1. I totally hear and identify with all of this. I’ve decided to stop looking online for a while and to focus on meeting people in real life. In the end I always find online dispiriting- I much prefer the energy generated when I meet people face to face and it does feel like the connections built are more three- dimensional. Also, long walks are key- you’ve inspired me to maybe head out into the countryside tomorrow!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. A bit of exercise can be exhilarating so I recommend it. If I do meet someone online I want to meet them in real life pretty sharpish. It’s the only way to be sure because online is so catfishy. Finding the right social occasions is hard, I hope you find some places. I don’t even have a local pub to go and hang out in which is a bit frustrating. I need to start getting out there a bit. Let us know how you get on. 🙂

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  3. When I moved from a large metro area to YoYo Town (1000 people) I made a conscious decision to be involved. Meet-up is an excellent resource. I could plan longer trips and organize my own local networking events around ideas and concepts I enjoyed.

    The downside of course is when things go south, perhaps a very public and ugly breakup, it goes south quickly.

    However, Meet-Up is definitely worth the time and energy.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Good for you, I did some online dating a few years ago when I was single for a couple of months (one of the times Mr. P broke up with me, fucker) and I was texting and getting lots of winks or waves (or whatever they were) and it did feel empty. I met quite a few for coffee and it was like mmmmm nah! I even slept with a couple of them but only because I was lonely, not because I was hot for them. I could have had a third but I re-evaluated what I was doing so while he was out for a condom run I texted him “I’ve changed my mind, please don’t come back”. None of it felt intimate or connected so one day after realizing this I just told them all to stop contacting me.

    Re-evaluation is good, and then a re-evaluation of the re-evaluation is sometimes necessary. Don’t stop until you find out whatever it is that makes you happy xo

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I feel these things too. “There is NOTHING tangible about relationships like this and I am a person who generally keeps their word. I hate being let down. Online relationships don’t require effort, or consideration and they don’t give you a sense of worth, just a temporary ego trip which dies at the first hurdle when you realise they’re just another virtual companion.” Yes and yes again. I’ve been generally succeeding to be positive and keep things in perspective. I agree that the hiking is a wonderful way to spend your summer and be active rather than dwelling on the lack of phone call/text.

    Liked by 1 person

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