Several of my ‘texationships’ and ‘submariners’ have had a revival of sorts this week but it’s triggered something very negative in me and I just feel wearied by it all. This seems contrary to my last post, but really it isn’t. It’s just turned into one of those weeks. Routine, tight budgeting and no social life, coupled with beautiful weather and noone to share it with, have got the better of me.
Declan, Ed and Murdo have all been lurking on and off since last year. Declan in fact had been remiss since February (I forget when exactly) and only resurfaced last weekend because of a ‘dating lingo’ blog I posted on another website we mutually share. He thought it was a dig at him.
You see, they seem to think that just because they send some half hearted texts a couple of times a week that they are important in my life, despite not being actual relationships or even tangible friends. They are exhibitionists hiding behind a kik handle. Most of the time they amuse me. When I’m at a loose end they provide good distraction when guys who should be actual physical human beings in my life go awry. Which happens. We all know that one, right?
Ed tentatively arranged a meeting with me but by the end of the day had found an excuse to cancel and then threw a few more dates in my general direction. Declan asked, when he last surfaced in February, if I’d got myself a boyfriend yet, as if he ever stood a chance. Murdo is sadly so far away I don’t think we will ever meet but we talk about it as if it might someday happen and if there was an opportunity, I really would.
Andre was very much aware of his failings at our previous two meetings at my new flat. He certainly redressed the balance on the third on Monday and it occurred to me that it was my less than demanding attitude on the previous two which may have been the cause. I told him what I wanted on the third and he did exactly as he was told and with great enthusiasm. He’s not Mr Perfect, but my god at least he turns up.
This week is one month since I met MG. And despite several murmurings about him coming to see me, I thnk it’s starting to look less and less likely. I noticed a down turn in texting frequency around the middle of last week, which could have come down to a myriad of things. I’m not going to get upset about it. What’s the point? He’s been my first real test since Gianluca and Jamie at how I cope when someone I am really interested in, doesn’t play ball. And I am doing okay.
I still haven’t heard from Mike and I am in two minds as to whether to let him know when I am down in London or not. A part of me wants to, the other part doesn’t really care. That’s how lethargic I have become to it all.
I’ve told FP to give me a clear response as to whether or not he is still interested in meeting up. We’ve bantered in polite conversation but it’s been ages since we were in contact on Seeking Arrangement and I have no idea what’s going on. Now that I’ve had a chance to work out my finances post move, I have a gap to fill and if he’s offering the cash, I’ve decided to accept. Yes it’s ruthless. But you know what, I have bills to pay and that was what he was offering. That said he hasn’t even switched on that mobile for a week. I’ve already deleted our conversation.
There is something uniquely ironic about offering a guy a non-monogamous, no strings set up and he still manages to turn it into a game. You are offering him what he wants because it’s what you want, and he still wants to go through the process of having those conversations with you, arranging a meet up with you, then cancelling on you, then disappearing on you, then going through the whole process all over again. You see, it’s all about the chase. It’s not about the sex. It was never about the sex.
I’m not talking about the married men who are seeking arrangements, I am talking about the ones who are single, unattached, with noone to answer to, where it would be uncomplicated, who still manage to ‘not quite meet you’. There is no logic to it, except that it is just a game. If it’s this difficult to get someone to commit to something no strings attached, I feel sorry for those singletons trying to find a long term monogamous partner. What hope has anyone got of finding someone who wants an actual relationship when it’s a minefield finding a casual set up?
Frankly, this week I am bored of it all. I started to delete all my kik conversations out of sheer frustration. They can go and annoy someone else. Life is too short for bullshit.