89: Detachment And Flat Packing Your Life

I was looking up articles on how moving home can affect you both mentally and physically. I have completely lost my mojo since finally moving into my new flat last week. I know it’s not permanent but I feel it to the core and I dislike it intensely. I wanted to hit the ground running, but it took me two weeks to pack and unpack my stuff. Now that I am back in my usual routine, I feel like I need a holiday, or someone to come and give me a seriously good massage. At the very least.

I found this article but was more surprised about a particular paragraph in it which could have been written about me:

3. You learn to discard relationships –

Admittedly, it’s hard to tell whether frequent movers are more likely to discard relationships in the first place, or whether the moving forces them to have a more transient lifestyle with regards to their relationships. Either way, however, a study published earlier this year suggested a link between relocating and fewer attachments to possessions and people.

In one experiment, researchers found that participants who were less attached to their stuff were also more likely to let go of their friendships; in another, they found that people who were less attached to things were more likely to move around frequently. In a final experiment, participants who were asked to imagine a future in which they moved frequently were more likely to say they would discard personal relationships than people who imagined sticking around..

I have never had many close friends. I keep my friend groups really tight. But up until I started moving more I had a lot of physical clutter in my life. You could have put me somewhere on the hoarder scale. I was a collector or things. Having to move in 2012 required serious and immediate downsizing and I found it very therapeutic. I soon discovered that having lots of possessions stressed me out and I think this was in part because I never felt secure about where I lived (wherever that was) and was always worried what would happen to all my possessions if I had to move. And then I had my question answered for me. So I got rid of everything. But I didn’t have a choice.

I have moved many times since then and continued to discard possessions wherever I have been. Up until this latest move, where I am finally living on my own again, I owned very few things. No furniture, very few nic-nacs (that I refer to as dust gathering clutter). Quite simply, if I can’t fit it into my car, I don’t own it. Moving home, for me, has also been a tightly budgeted and singular affair for quite a while. It’s me. It’s my car and that’s about it. But this move has required more change – and this is my post decision dissonance. I moved into an unfurnished apartment. I had no choice but to acquire things.

In parallel, I have very few long term friends, most of them maintained only thanks to social media. The longest I have ever lived anywhere since leaving the nest is 8 years and my moves generally involve long distances.

Having read the above article I then began to think about my CNM set ups and wondered if there was a connection to the detachment I have towards friendships and my sexual partners. It would make sense that I treat everything in life the same. I like things uncomplicated. I don’t do drama. I have always been quite detached to close human association. If someone gets needy, I get weary. There is no nurturing gene in me, there never has been. I take a methodical and practical approach to problems. I am also very independent because I’ve had to be and also because it’s a natural state of being for me. I don’t struggle on my own, in my own company.

Subconsciously engineering my sexual relationships in the same way as I have always managed my friendships, puts the final piece of my puzzle into place. I’m not suggesting for one minute that this is necessarily a good thing. I don’t doubt that one day it is going to come back and bite me on the ass, but it’s the way I am. Everyone and everything now comes in manageable chunks. Except my furniture.

Flat pack sofa anyone?


6 thoughts on “89: Detachment And Flat Packing Your Life

  1. Nearly everything I own is in the trunk of my car.

    There is an inherent freedom on minimalism. Even my new apartment is furnished. I too do not have a long term relationships but the ones I do have matter to me and I have difficulty letting them go even when it is obvious I should.

    Although, I would like my coffee mug back.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ah, I get precious about mugs too. I seem to have acquired many, most of which have been in storage for the last 20 months. I have no idea where they all came from.

    At least your place is furnished. I’m kind of jealous. You get to leave that stuff behind if you move on.

    It’s hard. See how you settle in. I’m sure things will fall into place. It just takes time. All change!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I enjoyed learning these things about you. I’m wondering what you’d be on the Myers Briggs Personality Type Index. I’m also wondering if you’ve read the book ‘Attachment’ that a few bloggers we both read have talked about?

    Liked by 1 person

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