82: My Post Decision Dissonance

Not so long ago Data Analysis Blog wrote an entry about post decision dissonance, something I had never heard of. The post move fall out isn’t rare and I’m sure I have experienced it before without realising it was an actual thing. I know that people often become ill after they move because the change of environment and routine can affect the immune system and I’ve had this before.

The worrying thing is, I haven’t even moved yet and mine is kicking in. It started back at the end of January when I finally saw a flat within my budget that I could imagine living in without suffering some kind of psychological damage from. And then the guy that lived in the flat decided not to leave. Two and a half months and one court order later, I finally got the keys.

I have a two week cross over to get myself out of my old place and into the new. Week one came to an end today. I have had various belongings in storage all over the place from the last house I rented, that I couldn’t fit into the houseshare I’ve been living in for the past 20 months and I have been slowly picking up all the abandoned boxes of trinkets and clothing and moving them in and rediscovering things I’d forgotten I owned.

Whilst the flat is fine I’ve had to do bits of decoration because nothing seems to have been done apart from a half hearted clean, and I’ve had to minutely dissect the inventory which was below par. I’ve discovered the boiler doesn’t work, the oven doesn’t work and two taps are faulty so I am glad of the two week crossover. The day all my furniture arrived and I hung my pictures on the wall the landlord announced he was sending someone in to do a full redecoration. I told him to save his money.

I feel like I have haemorraged money over this flat. I was already nervous because it is costing me more money than I currently earn, and being in control of my finances is really important to me. I don’t do debt or credit. If I can’t buy it outright, I can’t have it, is my motto. But I reached the point where the quality of my life at home was falling way below my quality of life at work and I am of the addage that if you don’t like something, change it. Because I am self employed, getting rental agreements isn’t easy and I’ve had to fork out 6 months rent in advance to convince the agents that I am trustworthy financially. It means no earnings checks which suits me because SA302’s are useless in these situations if you’re at the lower end of the earnings bracket. But it does mean I saw £3500 go out at the press of a button.

Because I still have no hot water and no oven and because my new, but second hand, furniture wasn’t arriving until the second week, now in and looking very cosy I might add, I have been in limbo, taking advantage of the empty kitchen and working hob in my new place in the evenings (the hob in my old place hasn’t been working for nearly 3 months) and just getting some quality personal space, but I feel like a bit of a sofa surfer and it has left me feeling very unsettled and anxious. It is starting to pass but it is a state of mind I dislike.

I am looking forward to being able to use a washing machine, which I’ve also had to purchase, when I need to not when I can fit in around everyone else’s washing schedules (if I get to the machine once a week I’m lucky). I am also looking forward to not being woken up at 7am every morning by a 44 year old woman screaming at her 11 year old who won’t get up for school, and a variety of other arguments which can happen anywhere up to 1am every morning. I don’t like confrontation and even when I’m not involved in it, it’s a negative environment to be faced with on a daily basis.

One of my main reasons for moving apart from space, peace etc was that my dating status caused problems. I was told that I could not have anyone back ever. I find this ironic since the landlady’s new boyfriend who she’s only known for 6 weeks is over every night, and any days off and already has his own key. I suppose that was the icing on the cake and I am itching to get out now.

I’m already feeling mentally exhausted and run down from the toing and froing and the ‘almost there but not quite’ that feels like it has been dragging on for weeks. It’s been distracting me from work and I have deadlines piling up but I just can’t concentrate enough to do a good job of anything and that is dragging me down still further. The ‘are we aren’t we’ nature of my early relationship with MG is also an added niggle I just don’t need at the moment and everything has put me right off any thoughts of dating at all. I’ve pretty much stopped talking to everyone except MG and Andre. They are just complications right now.

In a week it will be over and I will finally have moved. But I feel that the post decision dissonance I’m feeling now is only going to increase. I hope I’m wrong. Especially as I put new utility bills in place, recover from the shock of how much prices have risen since I last rented two years ago, and scruitinise my spreadsheets and wonder whether I have made a terrible financial mistake.

I’m already trying to work out where the extra income is going to come from. Do I need a third job? Could I make something from all this blogging I do? Maybe I should use all my dating expertise and become an escort, or should I just try my luck on Seeking Arrangement again? Maybe fate meant that FP decided to contact me again. So many possibilities. It’s time to get my thinking cap on. But first, let’s finish moving.

9 thoughts on “82: My Post Decision Dissonance

  1. Oh I feel for you! All that added up is just terrible! What a stressful situation and it’s no wonder you feel out of sorts. Your living arrangements sound far from desirable and having privacy and some degree of peace will be a godsend. Here’s hoping you can get everything in working order and your stuff unpacked and in place – then the other stuff in your life will all feel more manageable. Good luck and sending you reserves of strength to cope with these last final hurdles.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Anxiety will always mean taking things out of context and thinking the worst. That’s how it perpetuates itself. I am good at rationalising so I weigh up pros and cons, and always work out how I can deal with a situation. I may have temporary anxiety but it’s always followed by a methodical approach. It’s how I’ve got this far without crumbling. Life is never simple.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I had to buy a freezer too. It was still better than the other places I saw. Things not being done has been really bad. The lazy attitude of the estate agents however, is no surprise. There are few standards in renting.

    Liked by 1 person

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