Despite my complaints a few posts ago about the desert that was March, it did come up trumps at the last minute. Andre and me met up Monday just gone. As usual my car was our venue, a quite country lane served as our hotel. I really want my flat now. Behaving like naughty teenagers is fall well and good, and thank god we’re quite bendy because mine is not a large car, but we’ve never been in a real bed together in our 5 months of sporadic dating, and it would be nice to spread out a bit, if you know what I mean.
The next morning I texted Mike because I had discovered what a virtual assistant was through my Linkedin profile. It’s something we had discussed at one of our meets, about how the office system at the company I used to work for (where he still works) had got rid of secretaries in favour of remote PA’s dotted at various locations around the country. I didn’t get how such a big firm could function in such a way.
Anyway, he messaged me back to say he was about to text me. He was on his way to my city. Literally on a train. More interviews. But ill. So there may be no play sessions. Fair enough. I don’t want his bugs. A 53 year old guy with a cold does not a great sex session make. But he was up again for two days and stopping at the Hilton. As it happened, Wednesday was also my birthday, but he didn’t know that. And as you’ll note from a lack of references on my blog, I am not in the habit of announcing my birthday to people, except perhaps retrospectively.
In any case Mike perked up on the Tuesday and we met and I stayed with him at the hotel, and again on Wednesday. I got yet more insights into his past. We talked about the company we both worked at, again, and he alluded to ‘memories’ he had of each place. He told me that the first office he worked in was where he had his first affair. They were the talk of the office. Everyone knew. Not his wife I presume. Now that’s a pretty long time ago. I’m talking probably at least 10 years. He’s been with the firm 20 years now. So I’m beginning to think he has always been in a marriage of convenience of sorts. This affair, which was with a work colleague, lasted three years but got messy and emotional at the end. Never mix business and pleasure. When things go wrong, it causes all sorts of problems.
So it sounds like his affairs have been there since the start and I’m curious as to why he fell into that pattern so early on. He says the marriage is jaded but amicable but you can tell by the way he talks that he resents it or at least her. I wonder how long he can last like this. I’m guessing he’s been married a long time so if things ‘tick over’ maybe he’ll last it out til the end. He’s clearly capable of running additional relationships for quite a long time without wanting to leave the marriage. He’s already said he’s stuck there and can’t leave so perhaps he’s resigned to it. His eldest child is 18, so that means he was in his late 30s when he had his kids. I’m intrigued as to how these two ended up together. I don’t ask. I let him tell what he wants when he wants. But it fascinates me nonetheless.
We also talked about his daughter who’d had a pregnancy scare this week. The overriding factor in all this was that it was he who dealt with it all and supported his daughter and not his wife, who he has taken to refering to as ‘her’.
Monday night after Andre and me went our separate ways, there was a Whatsapp message waiting for me from Chaolan. Did I want to go to the cinema? And he pointed out that I had misread his last message where he’d asked if I was free next week, not last weekend as I’d thought. Fair enough. He ribbed me about that. I said yes I was free and sent him my availabilty. We fixed on Friday but like before he was changing our plans up to the last day and we agreed eventually to meet at 3.30. Chaolan however, failed to grace me with his presence and as of now I still haven’t heard from him. He still hasn’t logged into his Whatsapp so there could be any number of reasons.
I’m kind of glad he didn’t show. I wasn’t feeling this one and his slow or non-responses don’t fill me with confidence that he’s interested. So I’m not quite sure why either of us is stringing it out. I think there may be other issues here and frankly I don’t want to be a part of them. In any case, Chaolan being a prospective would complicate matters as we haven’t had the ‘what do we want from this’ conversation yet and I’m not sure if he’s looking for something monogamous. I’ve not asked because I wasn’t expecting this one to get off the starting blocks. And I think I’m being proved right.
In the background of all this Tom is messaging me again. Since Post No 56 I haven’t heard from him and to be honest I’d forgotten all about him. I thought he’d taken the hint after his multiple temporary ghostings and my reciprocal responses. And then the other day for no particular reason he popped into my head when I was at work. Within the hour, there he was on kik. I must be some kind of psychic!
When it comes to not taking a hint guys are top notch. For all the ghosting they do to us and expect us to ‘get it’ they really are rubbish at it themselves. There are three who persist in messaging me sporadically despite us not having exchanged a message in weeks or months. Onlining dating has hardened me. Sometimes I am shocked at my behaviour. I have absolutely and categorically stopped caring and stopped explaining why I don’t want to stay in touch with/see someone, which is a terrible attitude to have but I’m starting to get why it happens. There could be all sorts of reasons, and when someone ghosts me I simply move on. Life’s too short to worry. Isn’t the fact that I’m not interested, enough? I don’t feel it, I think you’re non-committal, you live too far away, I don’t like your passive aggressive style. Whatever it is, I don’t like it so go away. Yes that makes me sound horrible. I’m not. But I get so overloaded with messages sometimes that I just have to cut loose.