37: The Condom Issue – Again

I had my first full on conversation about condoms with one of the guys I am in touch wit,h a few weeks back. I am genuinely confused by the number of men who don’t mention or won’t use condoms because, it seems, they just don’t care. Otherwise they’d mention it, right? Even more so the ones who, when I chat to them about seeing other guys say, ‘make sure you use a condom’, but don’t consider it for themselves. I don’t even know how that works.

They are assuming I’m the safe one, they are are assuming I am on some kind of birth control (I could be one of those women desperate for a kid and willing to screw anyone to get one), and they are assuming I get tested. STI’s are on the rise in the UK. I have no idea about the rest of the world, but we’re basically all putting it about and we don’t seem to care.

Joe, who I had the conversation with said he’d rather take the risk. I am thankful I’ve gone my whole life having never caught anything from anyone. So to mess up now would be a mistake. However, I’m not going to lie, I have taken risks.

The AIDS epidemic seems to be something that happened to other people, and the risk of picking up some kind of STI genuinely doesn’t seem to cross men’s minds. The occasional fear of getting someone pregnant is the only thing that makes a few men consider condoms (Mike) and only a few instinctively used them (Neil and Izzy).

It’s not something I’ve had to really consider before. I’ve always been in long term monogamous relationships and I was always on the pill because there was no way I was getting pregnant. So now that I’m dating in a different way I am surprised by this risk taking culture that seems to pervade wherever I go. Have I completely missed something here?

I’m booked in for my first STI check next week since I started the online dating fiasco. I’ve not been terribly well behaved. My bad. But I get why people take risks. It always happens to someone else, and everything is treatable……right?

6 thoughts on “37: The Condom Issue – Again

  1. This came up with Mr. January. I’m not on birth control — I’m 43, and they don’t agree with my anxiety disorder. Mr. January was fixed, so we had to talk about the other risks. I’m used to long terms myself, and he claimed to be clean. Still how do you know men aren’t lying. How does he know I’m not lying…. I am booked for an STD test myself — just for peace of mind.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You can ask them to show you the evidence from their test. Drs send the results via text message or a print out or a letter as far as I’m aware. Why anyone wouldn’t keep that evidence I don’t know, unless they were lying. I’ve got my first STI test in 2 weeks. Never had one in my life, never needed to. I’m nervous, though I have no reason to suppose I’ve caught anything. I think that as I am doing CNM that I will get tested more regularly than once a year, purely for peace of mind. If I wasn’t on the pill I probably wouldn’t let anyone come near me with their dick. I’m terrified of pregnancy far more than any STI. I am also 43.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Yes this is a good reminder. I take calculated risks. If I didn’t hate condoms so fucking much I’d take no risks. I am trying very hard to be super careful now because I read a couple of blogs that actually scared me, despite my doctor’s reassurance that I’d more than likely be OK if I wasn’t shagging young ones under 25.


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