TJ was my first option for New Year’s Eve. I remembered a brief conversation we’d had about how naff NY celebrations always were so I thought I’d give him first dibs before he firmed up any plans. I dangled the carrot to see if he bit. He’d had a couple of vague offers from friends but the chance of a night of sex (and we had a lot to catch up on) was, I hoped, more tempting than a few drinks with his mates. He seemed enthusiastic.
After he’d got back from his holiday on 23 December TJ had changed his Tinder status. I’d checked in only because I couldn’t remember when he was coming down south for Christmas. His mileage would let me work it out without having to ask him. It didn’t really matter that much. I was just being nosey. And that’s when I noticed he’d changed his status from ‘Not looking for anything serious’ to ‘looking for someone special’. I wasn’t sure what had prompted this. Maybe it was the festive season, maybe it was the holiday in New York. I’d had several messages from him since his return reminding me we had some catching up to do, but I started to wonder how much longer he would be in my contacts list. And then he blew me out for new year claiming illness. Maybe it was genuine but a part of me thought he was distancing himself. I left it. Only time will tell. It’s been over a month since we last saw each other. If he blows me out once more I’m moving on.
This is the unpredictable nature of keeping relationships open (perhaps). People can change their minds or someone more significant can so easily come along. You can swear blind you’re not looking for ‘the one’ but when that person comes along, all the rules change. I know for a fact that if Jamie came back into my life I’d be hard pressed to not drop everything for him. Of course, this can happen in monogamous relationships too, noone is ever that exclusive. It’s why having several relationships on rotation and not falling in love with any of my dates is a rule. When things go wrong with one person, I need to be able to let them go and focus somewhere else otherwise it will drive me nuts.
So I put it to the back of my mind and resigned myself to the fact that none of my guys are going to be around forever. Well I never expected them to be. These relationships are often transient and whilst there’s no pressure in open situations there’s always the possibility you might find someone else on a more serious level or that one of you might develop more feelings for the other and it might not be reciprocal. These are not situations I have come across yet, it’s still very early days, but I can see that it will happen eventually. It’s human nature. Although I’ll be sad to lose any of my them I hope I won’t struggle to let them go. They are not meant to be forever.
This meant that despite all those guys, New Year’s Eve was looking very singular for me. I decided to see if John, who I still hadn’t met, was available. I dislike New Year. Spending it alone seems ironic this year more than others. John was out until about 7.30 that night, he’d message me when it got home. But 7.30 turned into 8.30 and then 9.30 and I started to lose interest. At this rate there would be no point. Then he messaged me to say he was home. It was after 10. By now, as I got ready, and then as I drove out to him, I had a feeling I was wasting my time. Note to self: Always follow my gut instinct. I’m really lucky. I get good vibes and bad before I meet someone and it’s ALWAYS right. So I need to stop going with the ones I get bad vibes about. It doesn’t neccessarily mean BAD, just dull or uninteresting. This was a case in point. I arrived and he was nervous, super nervous. 1am and we were still watching shit tv. Now, I’m used to guys getting very hands on very fast. And I like this. If they don’t it means either crap in bed, socially inept or is really looking for the one and doesn’t want to come across as pervy. These are all bad in my book. And then he got up and said he was going to brush his teeth. ‘Yeah, I’m a bit OCD about it’ he said. ‘I have to time myself when I brush my teeth’ he finished as he tapped on the timer on his mobile. Well that was it.
When he came back down I made my excuses about it being late and that I was tired. ‘Well we could just cuddle and fall asleep’ he said. Nope. Just nope. And I left. I could have stayed and endured it but why? My personal experience is that for me it’s always the ones who message for ages that turn out to be like this.
Even so New Year’s Day started out a lot more promising. Mike couldn’t wait for our next meeting. We’ve booked a hotel on 10th January towards London. We’re meeting half way. And that I really look forward to. And then there’s Adam. Who I haven’t mentioned yet but who will get a full post soon if things go to plan.