23: Why I Hate One Night Stands

I have never been a fan of the one night stand. You can’t work someone out in one fuck date. If there’s no connection, the sex will be okay, but it isn’t going to be mindblowing and you don’t have time to work out if there really is a connection. Not for me anyway. Whilst I was bored at Christmas, trapped with my 70 year old middle class parents, and before I had met Mike,  I hooked up with Neil.

I knew it wasn’t going to be great. Our text conversations were very limited, he was pushy on texts and I had to stand my ground about my availability. He lacked any of the refined conversation that usually came with my successful dates. But I persevered, because I was bored and I wasn’t expecting anything else that break (see Mike who changed this).

When I got to Neil’s house he confessed he was a Tinder virgin, but his style and his general attitude told me he had been getting his kicks in weirder places and his tastes were more hardcore than I generally liked but had experienced before. Distinctly rapey as my ex called it. As I’d left later that day I’d spotted a court letter about unpaid car tax in his name at another address and he kept a baseball bat by the bed. Say no more.

He didn’t kiss and really only wanted everything for himself. He asked what I wanted, then wouldn’t let me have it. He played rough, really rough. There was no sensitivity in what he did. Even so he made me cum twice. If I hadn’t set limits I dread to think what he would have done to me. Luckily at least he knew ‘no’ meant ‘no’. I wasn’t scared, it just got boring. The whole rough sex thing for me is fine to a degree in an intimate environment with someone you trust, but when it’s just some random dude who just wants to get his kicks it gets really boring and very unsexy really fast.

As I left, not feeling disappointed but more relieved I could move on, I was reminded why I have chosen a certain path. I found myself craving the sensitive approach of Andrè and Jem. I missed those long kisses, the conversations we’d have as we lay there face to face, the way we clicked. Jem would spend ages looking directly into my eyes, as he slid his fingers into my mouth. I’d suck and then gently bite and he’d be mesmerised. It was incredibly sensual.

Neil had put me on edge and I felt uncomfortable though never at risk. It just did nothing for me. Note to self: No more intentional one night stands ever.

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