21: DPs

Andrè doesn’t do dick pics. He has a very naughty side to him but he keeps it under wraps and I’m learning new things about him all the time. I like the ones you would never know have that bad streak, but to be honest, they all do, in their own way!

Andrè and me talk about our experiences. He says he likes that because he’s never had that opportunity before. I like to know a date’s past – what makes him tick. It helps me understand why he is where he is, because people come at casual online dating for a variety of reasons that rarely have anything to do with just sleeping around.

I never demand a DP but once I have sent a photo or two (or they’ve had access to my private Badoo album) potential dates realise it’s okay and I’m not going to be offended. Sometimes they offer to send one. Most of the time I’ll ask first.

So after me not asking for about a week (and after we’d met twice) and in the midst of a cheeky conversation about naked selfies of me that he had, Andrè relented and sent me a couple of shots from his phone. He said he never sent them as a rule but that for me he would. And then the next day, about 5pm, I unexpectedly received a video. Short and sweet, a post shower wank video. Only Gianluca, Dean and Nathan ever sent me videos.

It’s brave really. I mean, Gianluca doesn’t really seem that bothered, he’ll send me photos, videos and saucy texts from work, home, on holiday, when he’s waiting to pick up his kids from school, wherever. And potentially these images could end up anywhere. Gianluca thinks he’s anonymous, that all I really know about him is his first name, his home town and date of birth. He doesn’t know I tracked him to his Linkedin profile because I needed to know he was real.

When you send imagery of this nature it’s solidifying a bond of trust. We all have something to lose if images end up in the wrong hands. We all have jobs, families, social media, colleagues and friends. Any one of us could be a catfish or just a vindictive person who gets a kick from shitting all over someone else’s life. But the trust is reciprocal, even if it is after a meet. It affirms that we are all doing this for the same reasons. For me, getting those images post having enough to identify someone is the final signing on the dotted line that says, yes we will probably meet.

For me it’s never an anonymous interjection, they are never unsolicited, and whilst I wouldn ‘t say they flatter me, I do get that it’s not just some random pervy thing they are doing. Because our relationships are centred around sex it’s important to know what you’re getting otherwise the relationship is pointless. The other stuff comes afterwards, although it can be as much a deal-breaker as your chosen date being a complete failure in the bedroom. So to me a DP isn’t disrespectful, or pervy or just stupid, it’s a part of the process.


15 thoughts on “21: DPs

  1. I get your reasoning behind sending and receiving nudes, but I personally just don’t get anything from it. I’m not offended necessarily when I guy sends an unsolicited dick pic, but it’s not a turn on. If anything, I just laugh and give them shit for the unsolicited pic in a flirty manner if it’s a guy of interest or in a #ByeFilipe if it came unsolicited from a guy I wasn’t sold on.

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  2. It’s all part of the banter I guess. In the same way as I like to see what their face and body type are like before I meet them, it’s not really sexual for me – but just so I know what to expect. But not everyone wants to send them. Several of the guys I’ve met or am probably going to haven’t asked or won’t send them and that’s fine by me.

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  3. I totally get that, we all have our ways of navigating online dating. In my earlier days of online dating, I was totally shallow and only swiped guys that met every criteria, I loosened up over the years and am glad I did. Some of my best encounters were boys that didn’t quite fit my shallowest desires (they were still very attractive, just guys that were missing some of my list, like perfect body or were short, etc) and the ones that did meet my shallow desires were commonly boring as fuck because they had it too easy due to their good looks.

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  4. Totally agree. I have a post about a guy called Mike coming soon. In many ways he ticks NONE of my boxes but ticks loads of others I could never hope for in a monogamous date and certainly never expected when I met him. This is really opening me up to different ideas. The investment is different. I am less blinkered and people who don’t tick all of my boxes are giving me a vast array of experiences I wouldn’t get from my ‘type’. I’m loving this new found openmindedness!

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  5. I look forward to reading about Mike. It’s definitely eye opening once you get past checking off every shallow desire. If I was strict about my checklist, my boyfriend wouldn’t have made the cut. But he’s absolutely perfect for me and I’m so happy he’s in my life. He does check off most my list still, he’s just not as tall as I used to require. When I first got into casual sex and dating after I ended my 6 year relationship, if a guy wasn’t 5’10” or taller, he was an automatic no. Happy swiping! Have fun 😉

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  6. I’m 5’5” too and my boyfriend is only like 5’7” or 5’8” maybe. My problem is that I always feel taller than I am, so even though he’s taller than me, at first it felt like we were the same height and size but he’s easily 35-40 lbs more than me and definitely taller than me. The more time I spent with him, the reality of my height to his became more apparent. It’s just some weird height complex I have about myself.

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  7. Lol, I don’t wear heals, but my boyfriend made a comment that he hopes I’m not wearing heals to my sister’s wedding and if I am, that 2” heals is fine with him. I never picked up on any height insecurities from him until then, but even so, he was saying it in more of a joking way.

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  8. Even so, he still said it so I guess he must have thought it even if he’s not really that bothered. I think it’s just a stereotyped image we’re all kind of inbuilt with from childhood that guys are taller and providers, regardless of how we end up thinking as adults. Some guys LOVE going out with a much taller woman. It was always my dream to go out with someone taller than me and now I’m able to fill my face with them. 😀 😀 😀

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  9. True. He mentioned how tall he felt in his new boots today, so obviously it’s something he thinks about, but I still don’t feel he’s all that insecure compared to some other guys I’ve encountered. Enjoy filling your face with all that tall guys 😉

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  10. Any pics of me floating around are headless 😂 I guess that makes me think that if they did get somewhere they shouldn’t be then no-one would know it was me, probably also untrue!

    But sexting is a kind of heat of the moment thing, talking about sex Getting off on it and especially useful when people can’t be with one another. Keeps the desire alive ❣️

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Lol, yes that’s a good time!

    And at a party, or somewhere very public where there’s a thrilling but tiny chance someone might see by accident! (Not that it want to get anyone into trouble.) Naughty!!

    Liked by 1 person

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