8: Tinder Baptism

Just short of my month on Badoo I gave Tinder a go. I said I wouldn’t but I did. Again, it was just one of those experimental things…..

I had reached the point where every week I was arranging a date, and guys were bottling. They love to talk but fall short when it comes to actually meeting up. Me and my former Badoo friend had agreed guys didn’t like it when women took the upper hand, or when the chase became the actual sign of a meet up. They couldn’t handle that they could actually be out of their depth. I am proactive. I am not just words. If I arrange a meet. I do it. I guess guys are just used to knockbacks. But I knew that out there, there were serious contenders and I was happy to keep looking.

And so Tinder became a second hunting ground. Gianluca was another former Tinder user. And of course it’s a well known site. And like Gianluca on Badoo, my first contact on Tinder was immediate.

I added the usual images stressing that I was not looking for anything too serious. I struck up a conversation quite fast. Nathan – a photographer – was my first hit. He was okay. He didn’t leap out or anything but he was easy to track on the internet and just seemed like a regular guy looking to fill his single evenings with wine and movies and whatever else.  But I was beginning to think that was the way to be. If I liked them too much, I was going to get hurt. If they were ‘ok’ and our arrangement wasn’t too serious, then it didn’t matter when things fell apart.  Finally I thought, I’ve worked out how to do this right!

Well no. Nathan turned out to be all talk, no walk but went through with the meet up anyway. He turned out to be subbiest of subs, no imagination. He wanted me to take charge in everything, he was nothing like his texts. I guess everyone has a story like this. I had arrived after an offer of staying the night which turned when, post coitial, he put on his trousers and announced that his ex would be bringing his kid round at 6am.

He wasn’t arrogant about it. But he was clearly inept at conversation and just didn’t think to fill in the all important gaps. This should have been stressed at the start. That he had a kid wasn’t the problem. That I should not be there when said child was brought to the doorstep should have been. He was obviously looking for a dom. He was a doormat in every sense of the word. And so I beat a hasty retreat at 11.15pm and was home, showered and ready for bed at 12.30, frantically Whatsapping a select few friends to tell them of my first terrible Tinder experience.

And then, as if by magic within an hour of my return from my failed Tinder date, Jamie reappeared on Whatsapp. It was now 23rd November 1.20am (in Germany). It was the silver lining I needed and I was ready to roll with it. Gianluca would be furious. I didn’t mention it to him. But I hadn’t cried over Jamie. I had been crushed, and reassembled, by Gianluca.

I wasn’t as excited this second time around for my number 2, in the same way that my love, or more aptly lust, for Gianluca had definitely waned into a fun and flirty connection that I was happy to stall a meeting on. A part of me thought ‘meh, Jamie has no respect keeping a lady waiting’. But the rest of me was dancing. He was a catch, gorgeous. Incredible in bed. Wasn’t he worth a second look? I was already willing to take the risk though I could barely remember him now. I just knew I had to play it cool and stop caring about the silences between conversations. This was clearly his way. Well I could at least fill the spaces with the remnants of Badoo and Tinder’s keener members. By now I was starting to see the same faces on Badoo and Tinder. Many of the ones I had liked had not responded. I’d had some interesting early conversations but no actual meets. One or two had obviously bottled. One hovered in the background as an interesting longterm project but I wasn’t going to push it. More on him later…..

Jamie’s return was marked by several days of silence. But I was no longer interested in starting the conversations. If he wanted to talk, he had to message me. In fact, my hands were full elsewhere. Enter Jon, my second Tinder fan.

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