6: Tom and Matthew

I wanted to test the Badoo market, so I set up a second profile with a simple ‘just wants to get laid’ hookline. I’d seen men doing it like this and wondered if they were getting any hits. I reckoned any woman doing it would get a fair amount of interest.

It was really just a jolly. I wasn’t expecting anything serious from it. I added one picture that wasn’t a terribly clear one of me, and stipulated that opening messages needed to catch my eye and prospectives needed to be gorgeous. Obviously, nobody read my profile before they messaged me. I got letches and weirdos in their droves, no surprise, 486 of them in 3 days. Online dating is a meat market.

But then Tom appeared. Nice looking, if not my usual type, chatty, 36, funny if his messages were anything to go by and we wanted the same thing. Also he was local (a novelty for me), new to the area having recently moved from my home turf of London. He was looking for day time hook ups. He didn’t tell me why and I didn’t ask. I directed him to my genuine profile. He was a KIK user. I downloaded the app and we gravitated off the site in about an hour. It was now 20th November, five days short of one month on Badoo.

Just about this time, I had given up completely on Jamie. Badoo reliably informed me that he’d returned to Germany after his four days staying less than two hours from me and I’d not heard a word so I archived our messages and photos, deleted his Whatsapp and moved on. I needed the distraction of Michael and Tom because Jamie felt like the one that got away. I’d really liked him. I felt the fall but nowhere near as badly as with Gianluca. He’d seemed decent although a bit of me always thought he would slip through the net early on. He was way too perfect. Too ideal. He didn’t exist. He hadn’t answered my last message which meant he’d been left with the upper hand and that annoyed me. I wanted him to message me so I could turn the tables on him. That was still my bugbear in our non existant relationship.

Michael had been keeping me occupied most evenings since Jamie had disappeared. But then as quickly as he appeared he disappeared with an excuse that something had come up and he couldn’t message me anymore. I didn’t argue with him. He may well have got cold feet. I didn’t know his home situation. Who knew. Me and a friend, another Badoo user, mused that he was probably scared. Guys don’t like women who call the shots.

And so Tom turning up the same day was a godsend. Because otherwise it meant I would have been left with nothing but Gianluca. Tom was ridiculously enthusiastic. We were singing off the same hymn sheet apparently. It looked likely I was going to meet him within a few days. And then that evening, through the same half baked profile, Matthew showed up. Also local, chatty, he seemed to have a personality and again wasn’t really my type. If they disappeared, I wasn’t going to be that bothered just annoyed at the lack of extra curricular activites. Which was just as well because several hours of fun conversation later Matthew disappeared.

The unfortunate fact of online dating, whether you’re in it for the long haul or for short term entertainment, is the disappointment – the ones who disappear into the night, the ones you get bored of, or get bored of you, the ‘all talk and no action’ conversations. The only way I could avoid having my heart strings pulled by someone I was overly obsessed about (the Gianluca’s and the Jamie’s of this world), getting annoyed or generally being distracted was to have at least one active prospect hovering in the background and try not to make them the kinds of guys I’d fall for. It sounded shallow, it probably was, but we were all there for the same reason. I was new to this game and retaining a few regular guys was the aim for long term fun.

So when one connection died, having another on tap was essential. It kept me focused, moving on and stopped me feeling rejected. This had nothing to do love, it was purely sexual attraction. It was all the flattery I needed as I transisted from single to active dater. Eventually I was hoping to end up with a few guys I could rely on throughout the month, different people, different personalities, different set ups. I had a small social life, this was going to expand my horizons and give me necessary focus outside the workplace.

And so I went from 3 to 2, to 3 and then to 4 and back to 3 in one day. It was getting silly. Gianluca was still only a fun prospect but often my sounding board when things didn’t go to plan or when they did and I wanted to give someone all the sordid details. Tom went straight for the throat. He wanted to meet the same day, work meant I couldn’t free myself up for 2 days. He waited.

Tom was potentially going to be my riskiest and therefore most reckless meet. I had swayed Michael from meeting somewhere and ‘going for a drive’ because I wanted the security and comfort of a hotel which we would have booked mid point. Plus sex in a car is a criminal offence. Post initial meet up me and Tom had discussed this option but post Michael I was waiting to see if Tom would even materialise. He was a meet up and let’s go for a drive kind of guy. But I found him on Facebook pretty fast. He was a real person. I decided to take a chance. We agreed the heavy stuff would be reserved for hotels. He was very spontaneous, very flirty and fun and knew what he wanted and what he liked. And that’s all I wanted, similar tastes, and a lighthearted exploration. As with all the others, it seemed promising. But the day of our meeting came, and went. And I heard nothing. Another one who talked the talked, but didn’t walk the walk.

Never mind, onwards and upwards.

5 thoughts on “6: Tom and Matthew

  1. Keep it up! For the past few years, I’ve generally tried to keep a roster of guys on rotation. It almost helps keep you sane; you can get distract yourself with multiple guys instead of obsessing over one guy.

    Liked by 1 person

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